clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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