So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
