Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
