What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
