Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
