She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize