My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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