This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
