So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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