Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
