Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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