We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
