the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
