According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
