so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's get the cat blown out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize