i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
