??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
