The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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