Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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