My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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