cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
