I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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