Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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