my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
