I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
