You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
