I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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