My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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