I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
