On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Randomize
