So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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