I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
