i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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