my being single is dangerous.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
