i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize