so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
