Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My ass is underappreciated
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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