your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
