The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
this hospital has no fireball
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
