The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
