I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
