I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
