this beer tastes like vomit already
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
