just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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