My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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