Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
