Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize