There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
