How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
