life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
