All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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