The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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