Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize