I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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