Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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