I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
