He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
