very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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