I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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