Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
