They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
