I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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