Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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