So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
