I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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