I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They are going to name an STD after you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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