I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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