i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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