when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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