after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
