I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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