i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
