There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
