So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
