I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
