Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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