how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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