Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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