I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
