I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
