I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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