My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
