He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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