I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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