is your mom at the bar?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
