I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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