I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Randomize
