I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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