You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
