how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
