i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
